Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Randomize
