yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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