also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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