He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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