You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
