Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
