im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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