I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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