very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
