peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
