tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
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He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
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The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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