The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
