if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
420 ftw
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
