they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
