i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
