When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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