I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize