Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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