my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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