i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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