so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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