I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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