some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
