Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
