So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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