It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
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He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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