Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
