You're so nebulous sometimes
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
