last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
