I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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