i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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