sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
