end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
