happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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