if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
