Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
