don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
