I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
