part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
