Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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