ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
