I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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