Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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