are you so shy because you have an std?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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