I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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