Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize