It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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