I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
