East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
