I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
