then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
