plz talk dirty to me
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
