i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
