I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
