I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
