He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize
