sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
