I wish I could teleport
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
