Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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