the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
