yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
