Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
