You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
