I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
