I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
