He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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