Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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